Life isn't fair...even in prayer

Baby Elliott is going to be ok!!. He overcame some big hurdles yesterday. Lanie's sister, Laurie said it was a true miracle. I believe in miracles. I believe in the power of prayer. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for baby Elliott. But sometimes....life isn't fair, even in prayer.

December 4, 2011 remberances: The accident comes back to me in waves. Sometimes I have a memory in the middle of a lesson with my students. Sometimes I have a memory in the middle of the shower. Sometimes I have a memory in the middle of the night. Sometimes I have a memory while praying with the natives. Last night I had a memory in the middle of reading a book....and I remembered my prayer on December 4th.

While I was reading last night, I found myself remembering me kneeling beside carter with my shirt wrapped around his little arm. His arm was cut so deep I could see the bone. I removed my own shirt and wrapped it around the injury to stop the bleeding. I remember praying for God to save his arm. I yelled at the man helping me 'he plays baseball, he can't lose his arm'....little did I know how trivial my prayer was. Carter didn't lose his arm....he lost his life.

While I was on the emergency room table I prayed harder than I'd ever prayed before. I remember bargaining with God. I prayed 'if/then' prayers. 'If you save Carter's arm, then I promise to commit myself to you in ever capacity'. Last night for the first time....i feel like that day, at mile marker 562, I prayed the wrong prayer for my son. How silly was I to pray for his arm?! How superficial am I to pray that he could play baseball this spring if his arm healed. Carter didn't lose his arm....he lost his life.

I cried a lot last night. I cried for Elliott and his family. I cried for my Carter and my family. I cried because I had prayed and prayed and prayed so hard for Elliott....just like I had prayed for Carter.

I only wish I knew why one child was saved while one child wasn't. Sometimes life isn't fair....even in prayer.

peace and healing.....