Thursday, February 10, 2011

Life isn't fair...even in prayer

Baby Elliott is going to be ok!!. He overcame some big hurdles yesterday. Lanie's sister, Laurie said it was a true miracle. I believe in miracles. I believe in the power of prayer. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for baby Elliott. But isn't fair, even in prayer.

December 4, 2011 remberances: The accident comes back to me in waves. Sometimes I have a memory in the middle of a lesson with my students. Sometimes I have a memory in the middle of the shower. Sometimes I have a memory in the middle of the night. Sometimes I have a memory while praying with the natives. Last night I had a memory in the middle of reading a book....and I remembered my prayer on December 4th.

While I was reading last night, I found myself remembering me kneeling beside carter with my shirt wrapped around his little arm. His arm was cut so deep I could see the bone. I removed my own shirt and wrapped it around the injury to stop the bleeding. I remember praying for God to save his arm. I yelled at the man helping me 'he plays baseball, he can't lose his arm'....little did I know how trivial my prayer was. Carter didn't lose his arm....he lost his life.

While I was on the emergency room table I prayed harder than I'd ever prayed before. I remember bargaining with God. I prayed 'if/then' prayers. 'If you save Carter's arm, then I promise to commit myself to you in ever capacity'. Last night for the first time....i feel like that day, at mile marker 562, I prayed the wrong prayer for my son. How silly was I to pray for his arm?! How superficial am I to pray that he could play baseball this spring if his arm healed. Carter didn't lose his arm....he lost his life.

I cried a lot last night. I cried for Elliott and his family. I cried for my Carter and my family. I cried because I had prayed and prayed and prayed so hard for Elliott....just like I had prayed for Carter.

I only wish I knew why one child was saved while one child wasn't. Sometimes life isn't fair....even in prayer.

peace and healing.....



Anonymous said...

You are so right paige, life is anything but fair...Kaye

JAN said...


Anonymous said...

I ask the whys daily about Cateche----and miss her so terribly----