Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A painful reflection

December 4, 2010 would start as an ordinary day. The morning was filled with Breakfast with Santa, Olivia's birthday party, Maggie's dance recital, lunch at McAllisters....then off to Canton to buy some wrapping paper and visit friends. We never made it to Canton.

Rememberances: The three kids were in the back seat. Maggie was behind me, Cooper in the middle, Carter was on the right of Cooper. The kids were buckled. Carter wadded a sweatshirt into a ball to take a nap, Cooper intently played his itouch, and maggie played with a toy she had found on the floor board. Maggie was singing at the top of her lungs, Carter was yelling at her to be quiet....It was a pretty day. The sky was clear and the weather was amazing. I glanced in the back seat to quiet the commotion, when I turned my head around, the car in front of me had slowed because of car trouble and the passenger had his hand out the window waving me past. I quickly turned into the left lane, overcorrecting, then overcorrecting again. The tahoe beging to roll. I remember screaming, metal crashing, blood, glass, people, pain, fear, crying, people yelling, helicopter humming, ambulance lights flashing, screams for life would never be the same.

When my carter left me he was crying. He said 'mommy' and I told him I loved him with my whole heart. I promised him it'd be ok soon....I promised him I'd protect him.... I screamed 'i love you carter' and held his warm little hand...

i remember laying on a cold emergency room table. I remember my hand hurting and blood in my hair. I remember maggie coming in to tell me she loved me. i remember cooper being wheeled in on a table to tell me he would be ok. I remember the chaplain. He came in and looked at me....tears were in his eyes. I remember he said 'i'm so sorry'.....I remember screaming. I remember the broken promises I made to Carter....I couldn't protect him. It wouldn't be ok.

We buried Carter four days later. My life is forever changed. This blog is a story of my journey. Its a story about good days and bad. It's a story about funny memories and painful ones. It's a story about broken promises and hopeful futures. This is my story. Peace be with you.



Deb Deb said...

I'm sorry. I wish that I could give you words of comfort and peace. My statement is so overused, I know, but the sentiment is true. The one thing that I know, beyond any doubt, is that you deserve to be happy.

msprimadonna67 said...

Remembered forever, loved forever. You and Todd and Carter and Cooper and Maggie are always in my heart.

Having It All said...

Oh, Paige. I will never stop praying for you and your family. I can't even imagine what you've had to endure. Bless you always.