Friday, February 11, 2011

DAMN, I need a glass of wine

I finished reading 'Choosing to See' last night. It was a book recommended to me by another mother who had lost a child. I really am impressed by Mary Beth Chapman's ability to see 'good' in each and every situation...I was however a little disappointed by her seemingly amazing walk with God....at some points in the story I wanted her to just scream...'DAMN, I need a glass of wine'. But I guess it wasn't that kind of book. It was a helpful book and I'm glad I read it. My next stop on the reading trail is 'I know Heaven is REAL' which I am really excited about reading....and yes, I'll read it with a glass of wine.

I made an appointment to visit with the trauma team at Children's Medical Center in Dallas that treated Carter man the day of the accident. For those of you who don't know, Carter was care flighted to Children's while Cooper, Maggie and I each went to ETMC, Tyler to be treated. My parents met the trauma team at Children's but I never made it to Children's. My grief therapist advised me that the first step to overcoming this PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is to meet with Carter's doctors and let them tell me about Carter's final hours on earth. When I left Carter he was saying 'Mommy'...the next time I would see him would be in his casket. So Tuesday, February 15th I will meet the men and women who carefully worked to save Carter, December 4, 2010. I'm not sure I'm excited about the meeting but it is the next step in a grieving process that can only be described as 'being burned alive'....


and yes, it makes me want to say 'DAMN, I need a glass of wine'....





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9 comments:

msprimadonna67 said...

Go have that glass of wine, Girlfriend!

Julie Wells said...

Paige, I read Heaven is for Real and thought about you and Carter the entire time I was reading it. I hope it brings some peace to you. It's a wonderful book. And yes, have that glass of wine.

Lisa said...

I'll bring wine with dinner on Thursday! You deserve a whole bottle!

Sarah Ruth said...

I love you Paige. Sending you a hug.

Christy Jarrett said...

Recently, I read that swearing shows weakness, lack of education and host of other issues concerned wrong by some. I bought into the notation and began to reprimand myself for doing so often. But then I had an epiphany that none of those judgments hold merit. No. Sometimes, strength comes from belting Damn, or, like Sophia in the Color Purple, Hell No. I declare that in such instances it's not swearing, but screaming to the universe that life is not always filled with rightness and beauty. Pretty words lack the edge to convey the pain bubbling within. There is pain. There is unfairness. There is death of children who didn't deserve to die. Ever, but especially not at six and without his beloved mother. I will pray specifically for you on the 15th, and from my humble abode, I will quietly scream, "Damn, I need a glass of wine." I hope that you will receive the piece of the puzzle your hearts needs during your visit. Love and hugs during this incredible journey.

Christy Jarrett said...

Darn typos. I'm sooo tired, but felt moved to respond tonight and there isn't a way to edit after hitting the publish button. Sigh. Ah well...perfection matters not, but because I'm self-critical...

add "a" before host

"concerned" should read "considered"

"hearts should read "heart"

There are probably more errors, but my eyes will fail me if I read it again.

Just know this: My heart hurts for you and I hope that writing helps you. It certainly changes those privileged to read your raw, yet skilled, prose. You have a voice that cannot be taught.

Bless you, Paige.

Deniese McGowan said...

Paige, I am a new follower to your blog. Like, new as in today new. I say your FB comment to Tina Turner Williams and I was "enticed". I'm always "enticed" at someone who could write because I CAN'T. I have longed to be able to blog or journal. Now, more so than ever, because I have small children I would love to journal on. I'm doing it. Just my way :)
I say all this to say WOW! God Bless you and your life. I'm saddened by your loss and I can't imagine how it must feel. I'm a stranger to you but I need to tell you that I am praying. Praying especially tomorrow for your meeting. I'm a nurse in a critical care area so I understand that "meeting" as we have them at times. The people and Children's are truely heaven sent. From the Docs on down. I'm praying for comfort for you for tomorrow, for answers to what ever questions you have, for a piece of healing from that meeting and a multitude of other things. Really weird timing I know, but after I logged onto your blog for the first time today I sat and read the bood Heaven is for Real. I have to say, like Julie did, you and Carter really crossed my mind over and over.
I've rambled enough. I just felt the need to tell you I was praying. I wish for you strength for Monday!! I look forward to reading more of your blogs!!
PS: Go have that glass of wine!!!!

JAN said...

AMEN-SISTA!

Nessa said...

Paige, I have read Heaven by Randy Alcorn. This is such an informative book. It even addresses parents of children who have died and what the reunion will be like when the parents get to heaven.